behind the scenes (aka: emotional roller coaster)

rollerCoaster2

It’s always on the back of my mind, looming there.

It’s on my to-do list.
It’s an ongoing topic of conversation in my household.
It’s filling my calendar.
……..support raising.

Like a college student who is very much aware of their upcoming finals week, I never forget the fact we have money to raise for Japan.  We can’t get to Japan on our own. So, we need to rely on God and rely on the generosity of those who wish to give to our ministry.  This of course means, I’m not in control.  And when I don’t feel in control, and when I can’t control how fast this happens, it becomes overwhelming.

Confession:  I’ve found myself on an emotional roller coaster lately.  I look at my “to-do” list and I get anxious.  I see the percentage we still have left to raise and I get overwhelmed.  Newsletters, envelopes, stamps, phone calls, emails, some returning no monetary benefit (as if that’s the whole purpose). No “immediate gratification”. Then I’m upset and frustrated.  Days later someone corners me and whispers “we’d like to support you…” and I’m elated. I feel God’s blessing raining down on us.  And then just like the Israelites in the wilderness I’m discouraged again, because it’s back on the hamster wheel we go.

Then God nudged my heart last week during a conversation with my husband.  I was reminded that if I let our support raising circumstances control my emotions, then my emotions will be changing with every passing day every passing second.  It struck me.  Duh, God certainly doesn’t want us to live our lives based on emotions and how our circumstances are.  Why did I think support raising was any different?

Isaiah 26:3 — “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”

2 Corinthians 4:18 —  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

It’s obvious to me that my focus on our actual support raising is not the mindset I should have.  If we stay at 7% support, I need to be faithful.  If we jump to 50% overnight, I need to be faithful.  HE is faithful regardless of our circumstances.  He is the provider and encourages the hearts of His people to give through the work of the Holy Spirit.  After all, it’s all His anyways.

1 Chronicles 29:11-13 — 11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. 12 Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. 13 Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.

Pray for me. I need it!  Pray that I won’t take my eyes off the God who is the provider.  The God who called us here in the first place.  The God who goes before us and knows all things.  The God who is faithful when we are not.

There are many nights I lay awake in bed and wonder how these funds will come in.  Then I remember that if God wants us in Japan, one day I’ll be laying awake in Japan and all of this will be a memory.  I’ll be able to look back at all of the ways God faithfully provided.

-Kaytlin

 


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